The Day I Came Out As Bi
My story isn’t like many of the happy go lucky ones that have popped up on my dashboard. My story is a hard dose of truth with a right jab in the face of realism. I’m sure if I were less of an asshole, things would have worked out for the better. However, I am who I am, which is a bit of an asshole.
(Skip if you don’t want this long ass backstory)
To really understand why my “coming out” moment went astray, we have to go back about a year before the event. Back when I was a sophomore in college. Around this time is when I noticed a genuine attraction to someone of the same sex. He was a lanky kid, but a total rebel. We developed a friendship that seemed almost like a relationship. Friends would come up to us and flat out ask if we were in one. We hung out everyday and braced ourselves for the day in which I would leave to Japan for a semester. Trouble came the day after I bought my plane ticket and made the final housing deposit, the massive tsunami that struck japan in 2011. I was a bit pissed, I saw me leaving to japan for a semester as way to escape. I had an odd upbringing (that is a story for another day, I’ll write a book for that one). Everything that I had hoped for was washed away with the buildings on the coast of Japan. So what does every immature college student do when stressed? We hit the bottles. I drank more than I can remember and before I knew it, I broke my best friend’s door handles off of his car and in retaliation he kicked my bag out of his ride. My bag contained everything; my wallet, my clothes, my laptop…MY LAPTOP. At that time I told my folks that I had left my bag unattended on a picnic table and that someone had stole it. The lie would have worked perfectly, if the security camera didn’t work in the location that I claimed to have left my bag in. Once I was caught in my lie, I had no choice but to tell the truth…at least half of the truth. I just told them that my friend mistakenly had thought that I broke his car door handles and in retaliation he kicked my laptop bag out of his car. The police were called and while we waited, my friend and I spoke. He asked me if my folks knew the whole truth, I told them that they didn’t and when the police came, he never threw me under the bus and said that I lied. The responding officer even made a comment “Man, are you sure this isn’t a lover’s quarrel?” I let my mom believe my lie for a year and man she hated his ass.
A year later, he and I reconnected on facebook. I had finished my travels around the world and noticed that he was doing some himself. We contacted each other and it wasn’t long before he asked me if I was still “Trysexual.” Trysexual is a phrase that my friend coined in which that I would try anything at least once. I thought it odd that he would ask and replied by saying, “Yes, what about you?” He said he didn’t know yet. Game changer. He said that we had a lot to talk about. And we did.
A month later, my folks were in the Caribbean, my friend sent over a text saying “Hey I was just on your facebook wall and felt like texting you so..im texting you.” I asked how he was doing and what he had been up to and that I wanted to see him soon. He just wrote back that he was in Lexington West Virginia. I asked him if he wanted me to just say so. He wrote, “I want you.” So I took my folks car and drove about 500 miles like an idiot. Turns out he was a traveling dinosaur carni that would stay in some really shady motels. I regret nothing, we had fun and it was great. We clearly forgave each other and got even closer from it.
When my folks returned home, they quickly realized that the car had gained over a thousand miles. When they questioned me, there was no way for me to escape. I also think that around this time, I just didn’t want to lie anymore. The conversation went like this:
Mom: Where did you go?
Me: Ahh to see a friend…
Mom: What friend?
Me: A friend you wouldn’t really approve of…
Me: *insert name here*
Mom: Why would you see him after what he did? What the hell is wrong with you? Where did you even go?!
Me: Uhh somewhere in Pennsylvania and because he didn’t do anything wrong! It was on me, I broke the door handles and yea he got angry and kicked my laptop bag, but I pissed him off.
Mom: Then why the hell would he contact you?!
Me: Well…we were really close.
Mom: What the hell are you saying?
Me: That we were really really really really really really close.
Mom: What are you trying to say?! That you’re gay?!
Me: No! God No! Of course not, hahaha I’m Bi.
Mom: on the verge of tears WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!? YOU LIKE GIRLS!
Me: Yea I do, I just happen to like dudes too. Its no big deal, calm down.
Dad: So what are you two? Mates? Boyfriends? Partners?
Me: Hmmm I like the term mates for now.
Mom continued to freak out and sent me some pretty hateful emails and what not, calling it a phase. Though, I’ve been with plenty of males and females to know that I like both equally. I took it to heart for the first few weeks until I spoke to my dad. I showed him the emails and even he was shocked. He was the most understanding of the situation. He said he didn’t quite understand it, but if I was happy that was all that mattered. Mom on the other hand felt entirely embarrassed. As if she had failed at raising a child, though by societies standards, she did. Having a Bi child is the worst, it sounded like she would rather me be gay or straight. Dad made it all make sense, I was frustrated with my mom, but for the wrong reasons. He told me:
Think back to when you first discovered you were bi. Were you confused? Frightened? Upset? You kept it to yourself and you worked it out for however long it took. Now you just dropped it on your mother and she’s feeling all these emotions at once. You had some time to work through it to get to where you are today. She’ll need the same.
After that conversation it all made sense. To this day, I’m still waiting for her to get through it. She’s joked about disowning me, but I know she never would. Tomorrow, I’ll be dating someone that has made me incredibly happy in the past few months. If it goes further, I’ll introduce him to the family slowly but surely. We’ll see what the future holds.
I felt like sharing this story after a long conversation @ust4thehealthofit Sometimes coming out isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. It’ll probably be years before it becomes the new normal, but til then….it’ll be a shit sandwich. As a friend once said “God shits on you all the time, but once in a while he’ll throw you a bone.” That quote is probably totally irrelevant but makes me laugh…
- straight character: (checks out someones ass)
- straight character: (engages in superfluous romance)
- straight character: (has lots of casual sex)
- straight character: (oh shit a love triangle)
- straight audience:
- queer character: (expresses hints of attraction)
- straight audience: UGH why does EVERYTHING have to come down to their fucking sexuality?? it doesnt MATTER it should just be a NON-ISSUE